Coping with a cancer diagnosis is more than just undergoing medical treatment. Caring for the mental and emotional wellbeing is equally important when navigating the challenges ahead.
Cancer patients and their caregivers who find it difficult to cope do not have to deal with it alone.
How do you navigate these challenges?
What support systems are available?
How can you find strength when things feel uncertain?
This forum is a space to explore these aspects, ask questions and discover ways to manage life after a diagnosis.
Get the answers you need by sending in your questions to this Q&A, available only for a limited time!
About Lynette Tham
Ms Lynette Tham is a Medical Social Worker at the National Cancer Centre Singapore, focusing on supportive care for cancer patients and their families.
She holds a Bachelor of Psychology from James Cook University Singapore and a Graduate Diploma in Social Work, National University of Singapore.
She has 13 years experience supporting individuals and families both in the community and healthcare sectors.
Questions and answers on coping with a cancer diagnosis
1. Question by Xiu Qi
Dear Ms Tham,
I'm 43 years old and was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It was a big blow to me, and I have been worrying about my life expectancy. I know worrying and stress are not good in the recovery process for a cancer patient.
I have a couple of questions:
a) My two young children do not know of my condition. I'm hoping that they do not frustrate me so that I can have a good mental health and lesser stress. I do not know how to tell them to behave themselves and not to let me worry and angry about them. How do I cope and control with such emotions?
b) Since diagnosed, I need to be on healthy diet. Each time when considering for my meals, I will think a lot. I will be thinking should I eat this, am I overeating, is this food item considered a processed food that will harm my body? I started to implant this on my children. Even when thinking of their food intake, I will go through a thinking process. Again, such worrying makes me very stressed and will not do good to my recovery. In addition, I get particular on the shampoo and shower gel that I’m using, keep researching if this will harm my body due to inappropriate chemical exposure.
Please advise how I can better manage my stress. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.
Answer by Medical Social Worker, Ms Lynette Tham
Dear Xiu Qi,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. A cancer diagnosis is undoubtedly life-changing, and it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed by the emotional and practical challenges it brings.
Taking the initiative to prioritise your mental well-being and manage your stress is an important part of the recovery journey.
a) Managing emotions and communication with children
(i) Talk to your kids about cancer
Parents’ initial reaction may be to protect their children while grappling with their own anxiety and fear when faced with a cancer diagnosis. While it is natural that parents might worry about how sharing diagnosis will impact the children emotionally, or that they may not fully understand the situation, consider sharing your diagnosis in a way that is appropriate for their age.
Keeping your cancer diagnosis a secret can be stressful for you and confusing for your children. Children are often more perceptive than we realise. They may pick up on any changes and stress within the family and may feel they have done something to cause this change.
Children can also imagine a much worse situation and sharing information can help to ease their concerns. Consider explaining cancer and the treatment in an age-appropriate manner like: “Mummy is sick and the doctors have to give me medicines. You may see me tired, but it is part of how I will get better”.
This can help them understand the changes they observe and also explainwhy you might need more rest.
(ii) Communicate openly
Talking to your children about cancer gives them a chance to ask questions. Be open and honest with your children and check in often to see how they are coping and feeling.
Reassure them that it is normal to feel strong emotions like anger, sadness and being scared and that expressing these emotions can help them feel better.
Instead of expecting them to intuitively know how to behave, gently explain what you need. An explanation like: “Mummy feels tired now, so I need you to play quietly or help me with small tasks”. Thereafter, praise and encourage them when they respond positively to your request.
Being open with each other about your respective needs and feelings instead of hiding can help you and your children cope better.
(iii) Practice self-compassion
It is okay to feel frustrated or overwhelmed at times. Acknowledge your emotions without judgement and remind yourself that you are doing your best in a challenging situation.
Consider incorporating exercises like relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, to help manage moments of stress.
(iv) Seek support
Enlist help of family members, friends, or trusted caregivers to assist with childcare when you need a break. This can give you time to rest and recharge.
b) Managing stress around diet and self-care
(i) Diet
Consider consulting your oncologist, or a dietitian who specialises in cancer care to get suggestions on recommended meal plans or foods to avoid.
Be mindful of sources of information. You can always revert to trusted sources like your healthcare team for recommendations.
(ii) Shifting your attention
Shift your attention and energy to something helpful that supports your well-being instead of worrying.
Balance between having food for health and nutrition but also remember it can be a source of enjoyment.
(iii) Identify and practice stress-relief techniques
Engage in activities that help you relax, or can take your mind off ruminations, such as journaling, spending time in nature etc.
Remember you don’t have to face this alone. Share your feelings with trusted family members and friends.
If you feel that you require more support, your oncologist or healthcare team can refer you to a Medical Social Worker/ Psychologist/ Counsellor.
2. Question by Lee Ham
Dear Ms Tham,
Generally, what would your coping advice be to a person who has been informed by an Oncologist that he/she has a stage 3 or 4 cancer? Thank you for your advice.
Answer by Medical Social Worker, Ms Lynette Tham
Dear Lee Ham,
While everyone’s journey is unique, here are some general coping strategies that might help you navigate this difficult period.
(i) Acknowledge your emotions and build a support system
Receiving a diagnosis of stage 3 or 4 cancer can feel overwhelming and it is completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions, whether it is anger, sadness, fear, or even numbness.
Lean on loved ones for emotional and practical support. Share with them about how you hope to be supported.
Consider joining a support group for cancer patients. Connecting with others who are going through a somewhat similar journey can provide validation and comfort and at times, practical advice too.
(ii) Manage stress
A cancer diagnosis can make the future feel uncertain and it is common to experience stress and anxiety. While there may be aspects of your diagnosis that feel out of your hands, focus on things you can control such as:
Following your treatment plan
Maintaining a healthy diet and staying physically active, as much as your energy allows.
Break down challenges into smaller, more manageable pieces and celebrate small victories.
Manage stress through relaxation techniques like breathing, meditation, and mindfulness.
Practicing self-care through activities that bring you comfort and joy such as listening to music, prayers, spending time in nature, or creative outlets like art or writing.
(iii) Communicate with your healthcare team
Your oncologist and healthcare team are there to support you. Rely on trusted sources like your healthcare team for information and avoid falling into the trap of over-researching or fixating on worst-case scenarios.
Do not hesitate to ask questions, share your concerns, or seek clarification about your condition or treatment plan.
If you are struggling emotionally, let your care team know. They can refer you to a medical social worker, psychologist, counsellor or a support group.
(iv) Be kind and practice compassion for yourself
Be kind to yourself. It is okay to have difficult days. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding as you would offer a loved one in your situation.
Celebrate your strength and resilience, even in small ways.
(v) Seek professional help
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a medical social worker, psychologist or counsellor.
They can provide emotional support, connect you with additional resources and explore further coping techniques. Should you not know where to find the support, please make your needs known to your oncologist who will refer you to one.
There is no “right” way to cope with a cancer diagnosis. What matters most is finding strategies that work for you and seeking the support you need along the way.
You are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources available to support you.
Ref: G25